`Let your curls do the talking’: How to maintain curly hair etiquette

Whether you’re a colleague, friend, or stranger, knowing how to approach conversations (and avoid certain behaviors) around curly hair is a simple way to show respect.

We spoke to hairstylists, curl specialists, and curly-haired individuals to compile a thorough, informative guide to curly hair etiquette, what’s okay, what’s not, and why it matters.

1. Don’t Touch Someone’s Hair Without Permission

One of the most common breaches of curly hair etiquette is unsolicited touching.

“It’s invasive and often rooted in curiosity that ignores consent,” says Priya Ranganath, a curl stylist based in Hyderabad. “Many clients share how uncomfortable it feels when strangers, or even friends, reach out to touch their curls without asking.”

Curls are fragile and prone to frizz when handled, especially with dry hands or in humid conditions. But beyond the physical aspect, this action often carries connotations of exoticism or ‘othering.’

Tip: Appreciate curls visually. If you feel the need to compliment, keep your hands to yourself.

2. Don’t Assume All Curls Are the Same

Curly hair is not one-size-fits-all. There are multiple curl types, from waves (Type 2) to coils (Type 4), and each requires different care.

“Assuming that all curly hair responds the same way to products or routines is a mistake,” says Dr. Sarah Mathai, a trichologist who works with textured hair. “There’s a huge variation in porosity, density, and curl pattern.”

This also means what works for one person’s curls may not work for another. Avoid giving unsolicited advice or comparing textures.

3. Avoid Backhanded Compliments

Statements like “Your hair looks so neat today” or “You should straighten it more often” may seem harmless, but they often carry judgment about how ‘presentable’ natural curls are.

“These comments imply that curly hair needs to be tamed to be acceptable,” says Dr. Mathai. “It’s a subtle form of texturism, valuing straighter textures over tighter curls.”

Instead: Compliment curls without qualifiers. For example: “Your curls look great today!” or “I love how your hair looks.”

4. Respect the Effort Behind Curl Care

Curly hair often demands a time-consuming routine, from wash day to styling and maintenance. Dismissing it as “just hair” ignores the labor and knowledge involved.

“People don’t realize how much trial and error goes into figuring out what works for curly hair,” says Sunita Kannan, a product developer for a clean beauty brand. “It’s a mix of science, patience, and commitment.”

Pro tip: Avoid jokes like “You must save so much time not brushing your hair” or “That must be your bedhead look.” They minimize the effort behind curls.

5. Don’t Police Hair in Professional Spaces

Many people with curly or textured hair still feel pressure to alter their natural hair for job interviews, client meetings, or formal events.

“I’ve had clients who straighten their hair before presentations just to ‘look more put together, ’” says Ranganathan. “That reflects deep-rooted biases in workplace beauty standards.”

Organizations and colleagues can support inclusivity by challenging narrow definitions of professionalism.

If you’re in HR or management: Make room for policies that affirm natural hairstyles as professional, no matter the texture.

6. Don’t Make Jokes About Volume or Frizz

Yes, curly hair can get big. Yes, it can frizz. But these are natural characteristics, not punchlines.

“There’s a difference between light humor and making someone feel self-conscious,” says Dr. Mathai. “When someone hears ‘Whoa, your hair has its zip code!’ it’s hard to laugh along.”

Comments about “looking like a lion,” “a cloud,” or “wild” often come off as demeaning, even if unintended.

7. Learn, Don’t Exoticize

Curly hair can be part of cultural or ethnic identity, for example, in Afro, South Indian, or Northeast Indian communities.

“When you call someone’s hair ‘exotic,’ you other them,” says Dr. Mathai. “Curly hair exists in diverse geographies and communities. It’s not a novelty.”

If you’re curious, take the time to learn about curl patterns, histories, and cultures through reading, not interrogation.

Don’t say: “Where did you get that hair from?”

Do say: “If you ever share your routine, I’d love to learn from it.”

8. Don’t Suggest Straightening as an Upgrade

Comments like “You’d look amazing with straight hair” or “Have you thought of relaxing it?” reinforce harmful beauty ideals.

“For decades, many curly-haired people were told they had to straighten their hair to be accepted,” says Ranganath. “Suggesting it now just reopens that narrative.”

Let people wear their texture as they choose, but don’t frame straight hair as a better version.

9. Celebrate Curls Without Making Them a Trend

There’s a difference between appreciating curly hair and turning it into a passing aesthetic.

“Curls aren’t a trend for us, they’re a lived experience,” says Ranganath. “We go through monsoons, salon mishaps, and product shortages. It’s not just a ‘look’.”

True appreciation includes understanding the work, care, and identity tied to textured hair.

Conclusion: Respect Is the Root of Curl Etiquette

Curly hair etiquette isn’t about political correctness; it’s about acknowledging people’s autonomy over their bodies and identity. It’s about respect, inclusion, and being mindful in your interactions.

The next time you’re tempted to reach out and touch, give advice, or crack a joke, pause. Ask yourself if it’s respectful. Because behind every curl is a person who has likely heard it all before.